Douglas Whaley. Law professor, gay rights advocate, atheist, heart transplant recipient, actor, director, novelist, playwright, bridge player, husband, father, cat owner, storyteller. Much humor and, since the writer is a teacher, advice on many topics.
I’d like to offer some minor relief for the hard pressed liberal
community, which includes my much-oppressed husband, David Vargo, suffering greatly
from the excesses of the Trump Administration (not yet a month old). I present for your consideration “FAKE NEWS
FOR LIBERALS!” Just pretend these news
snippets are real and easing of your stress will follow immediately. Let’s get started.
1. Conway and Spicer
Discovered in Love Nest
This one is
a shocker! Though both are, in their
words,“happily married” to others, Kellyanne Conway, Counselor to President
Donald Trump, and Sean Spicer, Trump’s Press Secretary, were photographed in a
compromising assignation at the Lincoln Memorial at 3 a.m. last Tuesday
evening. (See photo below) Outraged, they’ve both denied they are the
couple in the photograph. “I’m super
faithful to my wife,” Spicer said,” and, besides, I don’t like blondes.” For her part Conway asserted that on the
night in question she was out of town, visiting an aunt in Alternative, Iowa.
[Click to enlarge]
Trump was asked about the assignation he replied he didn’t know if it was true
or not, but “Why shouldn’t they be hot for each other? They’re both very sexy people, though not, of
course, as sexy as I am.”
2. Michelle Obama
Throws Her Hat in the Ring
she’d stated she had no interest in public office as recently as the beginning
of 2017, Michelle Obama fired up the Democratic Party this morning by announcing
she’s forming a campaign committee to explore a run for the Democratic
nomination for president in 2020. “Every
day I hear more news about what Donald Trump has done in the White House and,
frankly, it makes my blood boil!” she explained. Excited supporters are forming their own
committees, state by state, and donations are already pouring in though it’s not
clear how this is being done or where to send the millions of dollars already promised.
Obama was quizzed by reporters as to what he thought about his wife’s decision,
he smiled broadly and declared that he’d love to return to the White House as
“First Gentleman.” He added that he
“always went along with Michelle when she decides to do something, so I’ll
follow her lead.”
3. Korean Leader Dead!
news it was just revealed that yesterday North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was
assassinated by his own troops who suddenly attacked the reviewing stand in
which he was seated and hacked his body to pieces. When the soldiers were done they quickly took
over all government buildings and declared their intent to petition South Korea
to amalgamate the two countries into one, to be called simply “Korea.” When the leader of the triumphant troops was
asked why they had killed Kim Jong-un he replied that “He was too ugly a person
to live, and we got really, really tired of being forced to smile, applaud enthusiastically,
and goosestep in tight formations while starving.”
In keeping with the tradition Kim Jong-un began when he had his own uncle murdered, the dead
leader’s body was fed to a pack of dogs.
There will be no funeral.
4. Donald Trump’s
Solemn news. Just as
this blog post was going to press Donald Trump died unexpectedly when he fell
from the Truman balcony of the White House to his death this afternoon. Apparently he screamed all the way down, so
it is unlikely this was a suicide. Beside
him on the balcony at the moment of his unfortunate fall were his wife Melania,
his young son Barron, and Vice President Pence.
Police are interrogating them at this time. Strangely they all appear unwilling to
cooperate fully in the investigation, claiming they didn’t see anything. “He was here one second, then he wasn’t,” was
all a dry-eyed Melania could contribute.
Barron was so overcome by emotion that he could express his
grief only by uncontrolled laughter.
President Pence will be sworn in at the police station, reliable sources state.
A number of
tourists captured the President’s deadly fall and snapped photos of our leader’s
demise. Here's one:
[Click to enlarge]
Well, that’s all the news that isn’t. But one might wish some of it was. Pick your favorite.