Falling in Love, Turning 70, and Getting Married
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| David Vargo and Me |
A lot has happened this year and it’s all been
terrific. As readers of this blog may
remember, for the first time in my life I decided to snowbird in Florida,
leaving my Ohio home in late December (cats in the car), and moving to Wilton
Manors, a suburb of Fort Lauderdale, for January, February, and March. On Saturday, January 12, I went to a event at
a gay bar and this very handsome man came walking by me. Not one to let these adventures escape, I
made a funny remark to him, and he turned, gave me one of the most dazzling
smiles I’ve ever seen, and made a funny remark in reply. We’ve more or less been together ever since,
first in Florida and now in Ohio.
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| Barney and Mama Help David Work |
His name is David Vargo.
He’s a graphic designer by occupation, but his background is in theater,
including acting at a professional level, and, at one point in his youth,
moving to New York to study Shakespeare at the National Shakespeare
Conservatory. Born in Miami, he was
raised by his adoptive parents in Fort Lauderdale and they turned him into a
first class human being. In addition to
that dazzling smile he’s quick of wit, very personable, and for reasons that
passeth understanding very much in love with me. My cats, Barney and Mama, took to him right
away in Florida and were delighted when he moved to Ohio to stay with me here
until we can sell my condo and return to his native state. My only concerns about our union are twofold. He’s only 55, and initially I strongly stated
that our mutual passion was to last through only a short term relationship
since it would be unfair to him to saddle him with an aging partner soon to
turn 70. He protested, but I was firm .
. . until late March when the April 1st deadline of my return to Ohio loomed
and the wrongness of parting from him became clear. At that point I proposed, he accepted, and we’ll
see how this age difference works out as the years advance. I do feel guilty about it and the old codger
it might saddle David with. The second
trouble spot is that he was reared a Catholic and, while he isn’t devout about
the strictures of the church or even attending mass often, God is very
important to him. I too was raised a
Catholic (as readers of this blog may know) but I long ago reached the status
of devout atheist. How to handle this dramatic
difference? The answer so far has been
to draw strict lines. We understand each
other’s beliefs (or non-beliefs), accept same, and carefully avoid talking
about the differences in any critical way.
He gamely attended a meeting of atheists when we were in Florida and I
reciprocated by going to one in which everyone in the room except me was a firm
believer. We’re done with that sort of
exchange and now simply agree to disagree.
Since his God is central to him, I’m working hard not to use my
persuasive abilities or instincts as a professional teacher to affect his
beliefs in any way.
David has met my sister Mary Beth and her husband Rich (in
Florida, without me being there!), and my Columbus family group has welcomed
him with open arms. Both during his
visit to Columbus in May and recently with his move here, they’ve welcomed him
into our circle with enthusiasm, for which we are both grateful.
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| David with Mary Beth and Richard Colpitts, July 2013 |
One major gathering was a party for my 70th birthday. The actual date of the birthday was September 25th of this year, but the party was held the following Saturday, September 28th. My son and daughter-in-law flew in from Seattle, my ex-wife Charleyne and her husband John drove from Indianapolis, and other friends came from other cities to join twenty or so local celebrants. The highlights of the evening were the showing of a DVD about my life that I’d put together, followed by the now traditional singing of the evil Big Birthday song, written by my son Clayton and myself for birthdays that end in a zero [see Related Posts below for more on that].
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| The First Slide in the DVD Shown at the Party |
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| David and I Discuss Cutting the Huge Cake |
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| Singing the Evil "Big Birthday Song" |
Turning 70 is both a happy event for someone who had a heart transplant almost four years ago, making it a milestone I’m delighted have reached, but it’s also a scary birthday because of what it says about my age. There’s no way to finesse the number “70.” It isn’t the “new” anything (like the “new 60,” etc.). Say it softly or with a smile or through copious tears and it’s still 70. People who hear my age often comment that I don’t look it, but, in the words of the Big Birthday song, “they’re just being kind.”
The best news is that David and I are flying to New York
City next month to get married on Saturday, November 9th at the home
of a friend. The reasons for the
marriage are numerous. Of course there’s
the romantic and sentimental side of a marriage, and that’s very important, but
in the past I’ve avoided a marriage that would be purely symbolic. However the Supreme Court decision in the Windsor case this past June now requires
the federal government to recognize gay marriages that are valid in the state
in which contracted (like New York), and that adds a legal component to the
marriage that the lawyer in me thinks vital.
After we’re wed if I were to die David would get Social Security
benefits, veteran benefits, etc., and in the meantime we can avoid inheritance
tax issues while taking advantage of federal income tax rules favoring couples
like us. Also it’s clear (for reasons I’ve
explained in prior posts) that the Supreme Court will soon have to declare that
a marriage entered into in one state is valid in all states, which will then make
our marriage legal in both Ohio and Florida (states not currently recognizing
such marriages).
There’s a
final reason for getting legally married.
In the early 80s and throughout the 90s I fought many a battle alongside
many others for gay rights. In those
days it never occurred to any of us that in our lifetimes it would be possible
for gays to marry and have the government recognize that marriage as equal to
those of straight people. Next month as
I exchange vows with the man I love and an official authorized by the State of
New York pronounces us “husband and husband,” I predict I’ll feel a thrill like
few before in my life. I want that
thrill.
After the
marriage takes place I’ll put up a blog post reporting if my prediction was
right (and, of course, will put up a few pictures of the wedding).
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| Our Wedding Rings |
Related
Posts:
"Douglas and David Get Married," December 20, 2013
"Douglas and David Get Married," December 20, 2013
"My Heart Belonged to Andrew," February 17, 2010
"Teaching English to Cats," August 6, 2010
“Catholicism and Me (Part One),” March
13, 2010
“Catholicism and Me (Part Two),” April
18, 2010
"The
Evil Big Birthday Song," November 5, 2010
"The Aging Gay Rights Activist," March 24, 2010
"The History of Gay Rights in Columbus, Ohio,"
June 4, 2012
“Gay Marriage, the Supreme Court, and the Future,” June
26, 2013
"A Guide to the Best of My Blog," April 29, 2013
Doug, that was truly inspiring and I'm glad you posted it. It truly is a great thing when two people who love each other can fully commit themselves.
ReplyDelete- Your Fool