Good Sex, Bad Sex: Advice on Making Love
In this blog I've sometimes discussed things I'm bad at ["The Many Faults of Douglas Whaley," "The Only Course I Ever Flunked," and "Mama Cat Saves My Life" are just three examples—see Related Posts below], but I've always had a robust sex life, even---in my twenties---with women. I once had a couple of dates with a man who lived in Cincinnati (well, "dates" is a euphemism here), and on one visit to that city he took me to a party of his friends. As he introduced me to the small crowd, he frankly announced, "He isn't much to look at, but—wow—is he hot sex!" I was both offended and flattered at the same moment. That very evening I suddenly figured out that he made his living as a thief ("I can get you an almost-new TV at a great price!") and we parted company forever, hot sex be damned.
When it comes to making love I have the same philosophy mentioned in this blog for the following things: teaching law, impressing people in a conversation, and acting. The guiding principle is this: try to see the whole process from the point of view of the other person (the student, the interlocutor, the audience). When I'm teaching, what I'm engaged in is not performing for the class and trying to convince them what a good instructor I am; it's about their learning the things they'll need to become first class lawyers. When I'm trying to impress someone I'm talking to, I don't hog the conversation but try to keep it focused largely on that person ("Is it true you are friends with the Governor?"). On stage I've learned that showing off my talents for the audience is a mistake; instead I should ask myself "What are they seeing, learning, feeling about what my character is experiencing?"
We don't train people in how to have sex, and that's unfortunate because it means that one of the most enjoyable things you can do on the Planet Earth must be self-taught. It's easy to get bad advice or misinformation about sex from movies, TV, novels, conversations you heard or mis-heard in high school or on Facebook, and to settle for "common understandings" about what happens in a sexual encounter, or, worse, to treat sex as if it were a test you must pass. If you think that sex is a routine event with routine actions that's wrong.
“The Thunderbolt,” September 9, 2010
"Seducing Straight Men," March 3, 2011
"The Only Course I Ever Flunked," July 25, 2011
“The Thrill of a Touch,”August 14, 2012
"Fifty Shades of Grey: Corbin Milk in the BDSM World," December 26, 2012
“A Guide to the Best of My Blog,” April 29, 2013