tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7844434945868494835.post1771282574670902578..comments2024-03-27T06:22:08.326-04:00Comments on Douglas Whaley: Terminology: When a Man Has a “Husband” and a Woman Has a “Wife”dglswhaley@aol.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06014306127062171178noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7844434945868494835.post-9817665481908343192015-03-03T13:35:57.563-05:002015-03-03T13:35:57.563-05:00Doug, one interesting item I've found as I'...Doug, one interesting item I've found as I've moved around the country a bit over the past 6 or so years: My most socially conservative co-workers in Massachusetts don't think twice about referring to my husband as such. My gut tells me that's because Massachusetts has had same-sex marriage for over a decade now; from my co-workers in California, the word that has been used most often is "spouse," to which I take no offense, particularly now that the federal definition of spouse includes the members of same-sex married couples; when I go back home to Ohio to see family, etc., well, that's a different story. And most likely even inside Ohio it depends on location - I'm giving a presentation at Cleveland-Marshall Law on Friday, so we'll see if Cleveland lives up to its reputation of being more "liberal" (whatever that means) than my hometown of Cincinnati. Anyway, great post, and good food for thought!David Groshoffnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7844434945868494835.post-77343931687182203902015-03-02T18:32:41.289-05:002015-03-02T18:32:41.289-05:00You're night that no offense is likely to be m...You're night that no offense is likely to be meant, and perhaps I was too harsh too call it a mild form of homophobia when it's most likely merely confusion.dglswhaley@aol.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06014306127062171178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7844434945868494835.post-3468837832567113362015-03-02T13:15:07.740-05:002015-03-02T13:15:07.740-05:00I don't think it's necessarily homophobia ...I don't think it's necessarily homophobia when someone uses the "wrong" word in referring to your relationship. Homophobia reflects prejudice and fear, not linguistic ignorance. That you begin by saying that the "correct" language is still uncertain, even among married gay couples, should preclude the use of homophobia. People who avoid using "husband" and "wife" may just as likely be seeking to avoid offending you by using the "wrong" word as to be suggesting that your marriage is somehow less legitimate than one between a man and a woman.<br /><br />Language is a continuing problem because the definitions have changed and continue to evolve. Look at the changing definitions racial minorities over the last 30 years. What was once a source of pride is now an insult. Different people want to be called different things, and are offended by the use of the wrong term. "Husband" and "wife" could easily be seen as outdated gender stereotypes by some. I think we all must be more accepting of outdated language slips, and use them as a teaching moment rather than an opportunity for offense (or to refer to them as a mild form of homophobia or racism, which likely is not the case if coming from someone who is your friend and fully accepts your relationship). <br /><br />Just a thought from someone who admires you greatly. I could easily have tried to avoid using the term "husband" when referring to your relationship out of fear that it would be taken as the "wrong" term, and I have not the slightest belief that your marriage is less legitimate than anyone else's.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com